Should You Tell Young Kids About a Job Loss?

Last Fall when Husband was laid off, one of my primary goals was to "protect" the kids. I didn't want them exposed to the stress and fear we were feeling or the safety of their family shaken. At two and four years old, they can't quite grasp what a job loss means, so why bring it up?

So, we didn't really say anything. Husband left most days to "work" on his job hunt at the library. And when they asked where Daddy was (as they tend to do throughout the day anyway), I'd simply say, "He's working." While I think they appreciated that he was indeed around the house more and helped out with them when I needed to run out, they never said, "Why is Daddy home more?"

When he was fortunate (very) to land a job after a couple months, I wondered what to tell them. I feared transition issues when Daddy stopped being home. Especially after the oodles of hours we spent together over the holidays.

One day I mentioned this to Great Grandma over the phone. "Why tell them anything?!" she exclaimed, with her particular flair for sharing crisp Jewish wisdom. "They don't need to know he's going back to work. He's going to work, like any other day. That's what you say."

So, the transition from a job and back to a job went by for the children with little fanfare. The transition issues I feared never came to pass. Probably because we didn't make a big deal of it and the January back to school routine was a good starting point for a new job, too.

The truth is young kids probably won't get a "layoff" so why bother them about it?

(Although Son did manage a stray comment this week when I responded that Daddy would be home after dinner. "Oh, is that because he started a new job?" Yeah.

Read my full tale of Husband's job loss.

My Mommy Vote for Barack Obama

Over the past five years, I've trekked up to our middle school gym to vote in various elections with a baby strapped to my front, riding in a stroller, then holding my hand as I explained the importance of pulling levers in that funny booth drawn off by a curtain.

This year, it turns out I'll be away on Election Day so Daughter and I made a special trip to Town Hall. We waited in line for my absentee ballot then sat at a large conference table while I filled in the circles for each of my chosen candidates. At two years old, she doesn't understand the importance of this election - for her present and her future.

This year's election is the first to draw me into the political process in such an engaged way. Barack Obama inspired me to reach into my wallet, pick up the phone and call strangers in another state, and eagerly await my nightly installation of Shields and Brooks on the News Hour.

Many months ago, I read his autobiography, Dreams from my Father, and this sealed my belief in the quality of his intellect, social insight, leadership, and ability and willingness to tackle steep challenges. Watching how well he's run his campaign this last year and how expertly he's crafted his policies; I'm convinced he is our children's best hope for a brighter future than what lies before them today.

On the Economy
If your biggest worry is the economy: I'll cite his tax plan, his regulatory stance, and his plans to build a new energy economy as the smartest solutions. A (wealthy) friend recently derided his tax policy that would have her family pay more money. Well, my friend, you are fortunate to make so much money that you received a tax cut from George W. Now it's going to be taken away. You can choose to view that as having your taxes raised. However, the many millions of Americans who didn't get a tax break then, justly deserve one. You claim your "trickle down" will drive the economy more. Ah, come on.

As for regulation, well, hopefully we're all on the same page in seeing why more regulation is necessary because certain industries (and people) can't control their excesses.

Next, Obama's plan to build a new energy economy not only provides millions of new jobs, but has the best chance of saving our planet for our children's future.

Global Warming
After the economy, his policies to stanch global warming are my second primary reason for supporting him as a candidate for President. I'll say two things on this. One: If you don't yet believe in global warming, go visit the North Pole or pay a visit to a bustling city in China. Second: Do a little reading and learn that there is not enough oil on our planet (let alone in the United States) to last the next generation's lifetime. Add to that our melting glaciers and bizarre weather patterns (see Hurricane Katrina), and you hopefully understand our planet's fragile condition and the need for urgent alternatives.

Foreign Relations
My third primary reason for supporting Obama is his gifted ability to rebuild our nation's respect in the world. He has a gift for diplomacy and a willingness to understand his opponent's position, even while continuing to oppose a position, belief or action. This gift will make a difference in our foreign policy. A big one. And, he is one of the few leaders to fully understand the threat and impact of Pakistan and Afghanistan to our nation and world peace.

Our Choice, Your Choice
So, if I haven't sold you yet (if you're undecided at this late date), I'll make my final plea: As a woman, as a mother, it is imperative that we protect our right to choose. Even if you would never choose abortion for yourself, would you really take the right away from other women, from our daughters and their future peers, who may for whatever their own particular saddest reason, desperately need it?

Finally, as individuals and as a country; we can't under value the opportunities made possible by a great leader. Obama has a rare gift for eloquently expressing ideas and hopes that inspire people to change and help make change. Think of the first great boss (or any other mentor/leader) you had who inspired you to work harder and better for your own and a greater good. Imagine what's possible at a national level with a leader of Obama's calibre? Then, we might have a country that our sons and daughters are thriving in, that respectfully leads in the world, and that their parents made the choice to give them.

Go vote on Tuesday!

When Should You Lie to Your Kids?

This morning, our third day at the O.K. Corral, I figured out how to explain the explosive gunfire sounds bouncing off our front porch to terrified two-year old Daughter.

A little background: Our house is situated on open space of heavily wooded terrain. At the end of our street is a large reservoir and dam. At the base of the dam is a deep gorge in the woods. Our local police department has decided it's the perfect spot for their yearly weapons training. We get pistols in the Spring, rifles and rapid fire automatic weapons in the Fall. (Why our little town of 9,000 residents needs such protection is still a question for me. One of our biggest crimes of the last few years was an eccentric (and high) genius blowing up Porto potties at the base of trail heads.)

Anyway, I've taken my seasonal distress all the way up to the Chief of Police ("It wakes my daughter up from her nap!") so there's not much more for me to do than live with the disturbance and help my children cope with the awful sound. But how?

Four year old Son isn't phased by it. Daughter is alarmed and frightened. When we heard the first blasts Monday morning at eight a.m. I went down the route of rational explanation.

"Well, honey, the police practice using their guns to keep us safe. They are down in the gorge at the base of the dam. You know the dam where the pretty water falls?" This was the "It's all good" approach. Problem was, the idea of guns scared her more. I have no idea where she might have heard or learned of them, but they scared her.

She talked about "the guns" all day and didn't go to sleep until 10:30. I asked Husband, "What was I supposed to tell her?" His answer, "You don't know what it is."

I'm trying to be open and honest with my kids. But, the truth is there's probably a time when age dictates a certain fuzziness of facts.

So, yesterday morning as we all climbed into the minivan amidst the staccato burst of rifle fire and when she said, "Where are the guns?" I announced, "They're not guns, they're.... firepops!"

"Firepops?" She was intrigued. Conjured images of Popsicle, maybe lollipop, she couldn't put her finger on it but it didn't sound all that bad. "What are firepops?"

"The boom boom boom sound."

"Okay." Sold.

This morning in the minivan Daughter proclaimed: "Mommy, I love firepops."

Son: "Mommy, can I have one of those firepop Popsicles one day?"

"Sure, but they're kind of spicy."

Gender Genes

It's official - I can't deny the differences between daughter and son. Basic, instinctual leanings wrought by nature, not just nurture. Let's see, when did it start? Oh, the other day when Charlie (4) started playing doctor after Sophie (2) returned home from ours with an ear infection (no, they didn't play that kind of doctor yet!) I was to be the patient (of course) while Charlie took my blood pressure and gave me "shots" with the medicine plunger. I pretended to cry after my shot and Sophie turned all protective, jumping into my lap to "protect" me from Charlie and telling him to stop. She was really rather fierce in her protection of me and I was secretly thrilled.

After all, Charlie has yet to realize I have feelings too and remains in his egocentric view of the world (normal for toddlers). Sophie, however, demonstrated the female nurturing quality so inherent in our beings. She already asks me if "I'm okay" if I say ouch or appear hurt. She's repeating what I say to her, sure, but Charlie hasn't picked up on that yet.

The kids played up their gender roles again this week with our little ladybug friends (some of you may remember when ladybugs moved in last Fall). Sophie has become quite affectionate of the few little ladybugs living in her room. She loves to put them on a finger and let them crawl up her arm, fascinated when they quickly flutter wings and depart. Charlie on the other hand, seeks to destroy each little spotted friend with a swift hammer of his hand or eager stomp.

Alas, these leanings are pretty run of the mill. But they're a first for me to witness. Certainly Charlie has his compassionate moments and Sophie her aggression. And I'm wary to pigeonhole either one in a gender stereotype (feminist graduate of a women's college as I am). But isn't it interesting when they follow the norms?