Parents' Getaway

Last weekend, Husband and I went away without the kids for the first time since Son was born 4 1/2 years ago. It was divine. Napping, bicycling, and dining without a care about racing home to relieve the babysitter. Husband's Mother flew up from Florida to take care of Son and Daughter. Our trip was long overdue but let's face it - it's hard to leave your kids and often harder to fine someone you trust to care for them. We're lucky that Grandma is willing and able to care for her grandkids (for four days! - Okay, it was a long weekend away.) The kids were happy. We were happy.

The truth is:

1. It's easier to leave the kids for a day or more when they're older than infants and you have more than one. You don't spend the entire weekend worrying and feeling guilty (although we couldn't escape discussing them quite a bit).

2. It's good to have enough time and space to look at your family and home from a broader view and do some long range planning.

With children under five around the house, we're so busy simply getting through each day, there's rarely time for bigger discussions. A weekend away restored our balance. I hope you have the opportunity to get away soon, too.

Mommy Peace - A Little Extra Help Keeps Mommy at Bay

After two weeks with Son out of preschool, I got smart and asked my 15 year old niece to help out babysitting a couple days this week. What a difference! Happy kids, happier Mom. Why didn't I get extra help sooner? The three intimidating factors for me were:

1. How would I find a decent babysitter I could trust and liked enough to have around my house?
2. Did I want to spend the extra money each week for some peace of mind and opportunity to get extra things done around the house or errands run without the hassle of accompanying preschoolers?
3. The big Mommy Guilt Factor: Shouldn't I want to be with my children every waking hour - won't it be fun to get up and go to the beach and have a fun summer day together? (Uh, not when we're all screaming at each other by 5 pm.)

Admittedly, it was easy to get over my fear of finding a trustworthy babysitter the kids (and I) would enjoy after Niece announced that she was available for babysitting this summer. While I was worried about the need to pick her up and take her home to the next town over, I got over this by actually doing it and timing it at 13 minutes each way. That's not such a big deal. And, her gracious mother offered to drop her off or pick her up one way each time. So, I take advantage of that during naptime or close to it (so Daughter doesn't nod off in car and screw up the whole nap schedule for the day.)

In addition, Son loves his cousin and views her babysitting more like a playdate. This happens with great babysitters and also younger ones that act like mother's helpers. That's how I viewed Niece. I didn't expect her to take over and simply enjoyed her addition to our group and our ability to go one on one when necessary (e.g. Daughter throwing tantrum while Son carries on about needing that train over there.) I now see the value of au pairs.

Second, since she's fifteen, I'm paying her $9/hour and not the standard $15/hour or higher for an older babysitter in my area. This eases my financial guilt that I shouldn't be paying just for my own peace of mind or to give myself a break.

Finally, after a harry weekend where Husband and I realized that Daughter is indeed in the throws of two year old tantrums over random miscellaneous needs and that while she and Son play so nicely together much of the time, their battles over said trains and most other toys they play with, has taken on new frequency and pitch; I just picked up the phone and called Niece to help - ALL DAY MONDAY.

No guilt, simply necessity. And since the day went well and at Friday, I can view this entire week as having been much easier on me (Niece is coming over again this afternoon), I'm finding my Mommy Guilt sweetly receding behind a certain Mommy Peace.

Finding Babysitters - From Craigs List to MySpace

Here's a scary story shared by D., a Mom in my playgroup. She's been looking for a babysitter since she recently moved to town. I have used Craigs List in the past with mixed results. Well, here's her experience:

Babysitter's Ad on Craig's List
The Perfect Family Addition! Nanny Available FT ASAP

D.'s email response
Hi
My name is D. and I have a two year old son.
Are you able to work in W. and are you still looking for a position?
Thanks

Babysitter:
Hi D.
I would absolutely work in W. How many hours would you need me to work? Please feel free to call me at xxx. xxx.xxxx.

Instead of responding right away, D. visits MySpace to see if Babysitter has a page. Uh, yes she does and it's kind of profane. The top line reads, "F. these B.'s..."

Needless to say, D. politely declined to employ Babysitter. Furthermore, Babysitter sent mean-spirited emails afterwards and put profane postings on her MySpace page toward D.!

So, while we all prefer to find babysitters and nannies from credible references, sometimes we need to look a little farther afield.

Advice:

1. Always, always call at least two references. (In fact, another friend recently stopped proceedings with a potential nanny who she loved after interviewing her, when the first reference "trashed" the nanny.) Always good to call.

2. If you're finding a stranger online, do your online due diligence. It's pretty common knowledge these days that what you put online, especially through social media such as MySpace, Facebook, etc. can be found by potential employers. MySpace is public so it's easy to search. Try Google, too. You never know what will show up.

3. Have a trial playdate with the new babysitter and your children. I found a college student on Craigs List who sounded fabulous on the phone and through her references. But when she showed up, she just sat there and my kids looked bewildered. Well, so did she actually. I sent her home immediately. No pay.

But I also found our most fabulous babysitter to date on Craigs List. We're still searching for her replacement as she now has a full time job after graduating college last year.

Hopefully, we all have more heartwarming stories than scary ones. We just have to do our homework.